1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
5. We put the “k” in “kwality.”
6. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
7. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos… then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
8. We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!
9. Your job is still better than asking “You want fries with that?”
10. Plagiarism saves time.
11. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
12. Never quit until you have another job.
13. TEAMWORK … means never having to take all the blame yourself.
14. Every time I think I’ve hit rock bottom, somebody throws me a shovel.
15. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
16. Go the extra mile – It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
17. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
18.. We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.
19. Look on the bright side, at least your not working in the IRAQ tank brigade.
20. You pretend to work, and we’ll pretend to pay you.
21. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs and people who don’t work here anymore